Definition of a conservative.......

1. we help people who can already help themselves

2. unmarried women are just asking to be raped

3. regulation of the bedroom but not the boardroom

4. it's criminal to regulate the factory floor but it's OK to criminalise home drug users for their own safety

5. against divorce cos it shows marriage up as just another form of prostitution

6. guide to film-making: One sex scene equals a hundred violent murders, a hundred sex scenes equals one use of bad language