Battered Purple and Black
He, they'll probably call it year zero. I'm eighteen, well have been for a few months now, but, well today is when I'm reminded-the pills came.
I guess this must have started five years ago, but there were few births then.
Unlike now.
Now, the Number One at the Box Office is an animated scene-for-scene remake of the "Porno-Snuff" Classic 'Ten Pregnant Virgins Get Raped' including the infamous decapitation finale; while 'Womb Raider' has been the top-selling video game for the last six months.
It feels like this all began when I was fourteen. I dunno. Being 'legally' able to buy alcohol? Haven't been able to even venture into an off-licence since November for being asked "Are you sure you're not pregnant?". Dad stopped that when I was sixteen, but, well silly me thought I'd take advantage of looking twenty-five and tried going into a pub last August.
Big mistake.
I mean, got served, but all the STARES. You'd think they'd want another miscarriage.
Stupid people.
This society hates women, maybe it always has, and now God or whoever has decreed that woman can createth Life without Needeth of Cock.
7th January
Had to move out now.
Christmas awful.
Can't just be that, maybe just sick of Dad telling me to get a job.
So, here I am.
I've spent some time travelling and squatting but nowhere permanent.
The Landlady was sympathetic, I think she was relived to know I'm "unaccompanied" now.They say that a lot now as if a kid or a bloke is some kind of appendage or homonculous.
Just me.
Let me first six months off, just had to clean the house out and a couple of trips back to get my things.
My diaries.
8th January
Dad again, I'd just got back there today, I still haven't got a bed and he reminds me about the pills.
That dude is a bloody Fascist.
I had actually forgotten them.
I dunno, should have flushed them down the toilet. The bastard had just been through my things and just handed them over to me.
Mum just shuts up, so does Dave. I don't know who's worse I guess he's too young, only twelve, Mum's 55 now and she 'missed out' too. Lucky her.
12th January
Glad to be out.
Diaries, that's what I had to get through just to work out how it all started, so here's a sample maybe I'll try and work out how this stupid thing'll end.
29th October 2012
Today-fourteen.
I don't know why I have this awful sense of forboding OK can't spell forboding.
I dunno, I don't FEEL any older or better, I had my period the other day. Looked at my boobs in the mirror yesterday. No bigger.
2nd November
School's wierd. Seems like half the girls in the year ten are pregnant.
10th November 2013
Dad knows I had a period, right? Dunno, he gave me this wierd talk: "You know what a penis is? Have you got a boyfriend?"
He must think I'm pregnant or something. Seems to be catching, heh.
12th November
Really wierd Mrs Roberts and Dave's teacher had both been off for most of the month so far.
I stayed in, read to Dave, played a bit of football with him.
I don't know where Dad took Mum today. Maybe she's got it!
Anyway, he came back, she didn't. Tres sinistre, heh very left.
14th November
Mum came back today. Seemed upset. Said little.
We all saw the Prime Minister's resignation speech.
I don't get it. Everyone in well anywhere is 'expecting'.
Tories are demanding a new election, seems like five minutes since the last one and the papers are full of how'd it happen and who's the father.
Mum and Dad just look at each other funny when they say this on Question Time.
As if 49's too past it to have children, Jenny was 13 when she got pregnant. We think Steve's the father.
Maybe she can tell Mr Wilson where babies come from.
17th December
Had to look after Dave again. I had that dream again, there was more blood this time and a lot of walking a whole big group of us. I feel like I'm part of them. I don't know what it all means but Mum noticed the cuts. Must've scratched myself. Was it her? She really looks like me, but longer hair and more black then brown. Tall like me, but I could never be that terrifying and beautiful, even in those rags she hardly wears.
19th December
Mum tried to have a word with me about how she's 'too old'.
They keep saying the oldest was fifty-five and the youngest was fourteen.
Labour conceded to the Tories. I don't know what that means anymore but Wilson seems to have disapeared and now some ex-Army Guy's in charge.
20th December
I couldn't work it out before but in my dreams no-one's pregnant. It's such a strange relief.
10th March 2015
The cuts on my breasts are getting more obvious. I can cover those up but one of them bit my neck. I don't know who to explain this to and then Mum flipped when I missed my period.
5th April
False alarm.
17th March
I keep going back to the Vamps almost every night. There's no name-calling because I'm not pregnant, there's no accusation that I am.
20th March
Everyone's wary of me, what teachers aren't off ask me if I self-harm.
I hardly go to school no more anyway. Too full of boys. The male teachers are dead freaky the way they look at you if you don't have a stomach the size of China.
The world's so full of people and half of them are pregnant.
5th April
Mum's decided to teach me and Dave. We're really enjoying it actually. No more pervy teachers staring at my stomach.
30th May
Dad still thinks I'm pregnant.
They've stopped mentioning the cutting.
1st September
Dad insists I go to school, Mum got another job.
20th September
A girl got raped at my school.
23rd October
She came in and shot the teacher
7th November
16, Pregnant and everyone's saying there gonna execute her.
I didn't know we did that.
18th January 2016
Mr Jones next door just shot his wife. No-one seems to care. People act as if they can get pregnant by people looking at them. Everyone says if you rape a pregnant girl she'll miscarry, like sex ends pregnancy.
21st January
We were all ordered to go into school today. I just hadn't been since the way they explained it. All the teachers are really shitting themselves now that everyone know's claire was a virgin.
The school nurse asked me if I'd been raped. Then she asked me about the cuts. Just mumbled some excuse.
5th Feb
The scars seem to have faded a bit now. It's strange, I have these dreams where I can see Earth through a tiny window. There's lots of bright lights and plants everywhere.
That was the end, I suppose. I wrote all that down in 2008. Kept all spelling and grammar mistakes, is a diary of a teenager after all.
posted by Legal Smeagol at 9:32 AM
